When is it not Love anymore?

Posted: March 21, 2016 by

When is it love anymore

Marriage is the union of two individuals bound to love, help and support each other through thick and thin. Today, many couples struggle daily to save their marriages such as having to deal with difficulties in finances, personal beliefs, adulteries and even co-dependency.

When one has developed addiction with certain substances, co-dependency may arise in the relationship, and that can be very damaging to both individuals. Sometimes an addict becomes more addicted with the actions taken by his or her partner such as refusing that there is an existing drug problem with their partner and saving them from the results of their drug abuse. Through this, the addict feels that there is a justified reason to keep the drug addiction while the partner develops growing feelings of being needed by the addict. However, this kind of giving and thoughts doesn’t make the relationship any healthier and better. Leaving both individuals to lose-lose scenario. This kind of relationship is called co-dependent marriage.

Since staying with their partners is the only way they know how to make the relationship work, only minority of the people realize that there is an existing codependent patterns. They see themselves being selfless and too kind where in fact they are both ruining their relationship. When can you say that there is a developing one-sided, unstable and sometimes abusive relationship with an addict?

You own responsibility for your partner. Individuals who battle codependency build a sense of responsibility for the needs and choices even disregarding their own needs and desires for the satisfaction and happiness of their partner. Although it may sound noble, efforts are done to satisfy the codependent’s need to feel valued and loved. This often triggers addict to let the partner do what he/she shall be doing

Your partner’s feelings are your priority. Individuals with codependency problems don’t think of their self-emotions as their priority instead they aim attention on the addict’s feelings, beliefs and thoughts. Most likely, codependent individuals will lose themselves in the long run as they consume to the addicts feelings.

You go beyond the limits to stay in a relationship. The codependent individual will always have a fear of being alone, being abandoned or being rejected thus leading to do anything even beyond limits to keep the relationship working with the addict. Even it seems hard coping up with the changes in behaviors and difficulties in finances due to the addict’s drug abuse, the codependent will accept blame, give up everything maintain the relationship status.

You have difficulties realizing and expressing emotions. Addiction will take a lot of toll in physical and mental health of the addict. The codependent and addict will surely have a miscommunication of emotions and thoughts. While the addicts express swings of anger and depression, the codependent will be having the hard time to make decisions and recognize their own desires. Some individuals often stay in the relationship out of pity and faith that they can fix the addict with the illusion that it is love.

You lack skills in setting and keeping personal bounds. It is important to set personal boundaries in a relationship, codependents does not recognize this. Saying yes when they really mean no, or doing something they really don’t want to do. When addict’s need treatment for recovery, and so codependent partners. It is important for them to stop relying on the addicts needs towards the codependent. Their recovery will not involve sobriety but will help in learning to love thyself instead of fixing someone else.

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